So yesterday was the big birthday. This one seems almost bigger than 18 or 21. Those birthdays just weren't that big of a deal to me. Infact, 20 almost seemed bigger than 18 or 21. I liked that I wasn't in the teens anymore. But 30...it's a bit strange. But mostly in a good way. There were so many things I used to think about in my early 20's when I was still single. I always wondered if I would ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with and I always wondered what it would like to be a mom. I don't ever remember verbally saying this or even fully thinking it but I think I always hoped I would get to have both of those before I turned 30. I wanted to be settled, in love, and living my happily ever after by the time 30 came around. Thank you God for fulfilling all of my dreams! I know that it really does not matter when those things happened in my life. I could have met Jay next week and started having all of my dreams come true in my early thirties and I know that I would be just as happy and just as blessed. But I am also unbelievably thankful that God chose to bring Jay into my life and bless us with Carter and Madelynn earlier in my life. I am exactly where I want to be and I am beyond blessed. It truly is a beautiful life.
I am so thankful for my husband. We do not have a perfect marriage nor are either of us perfect people. I know, you are thinking, Duh! The reason I even say that is because I do not want to come across as having this perfect life. We tend to only write about the good stuff for other people to see. I am no different. I am not about to get on here and write about the problems in my life and in my marriage. Those things are normal and a part of the fallen world that we live in. We are not the picture perfect marriage but we are happy. We love each other. We are faithful to each other. We respect each other. We want the best for one another. We try every day to be good to one another even though we fail at it often. We love to spend time together and do things just the two of us. We are not afraid to be alone with one another, infact, we thrive in those moments we are alone together. We still go on dates and every once in a while we still try to surprise one another. We make mistakes and we hurt each other often. But we love each other. We do argue and disagree often, but we always try to work it out and we do learn from it every time. I am truly thankful for my marriage and blessed to have Jay as my husband.
I am beyond thankful for my kids and the blessing that being a mommy is. I had no idea how amazing being a mom would be. Again, there is nothing perfect about my role as a mother but it is my greatest role as a person right now. I have two beautiful little ones who are relying on me every minute of the day. They need me right now probably more then they will ever need their mama again. I do not take that lightly. I have been blessed with two kids who are fun and silly. They are happy kids and I do feel like that is a huge blessing, and one that was not a promise to me when I became pregnant. They are healthy, and for that I am forever thankful! There is so much sickness around us every single day. There are so many sick babies and young kids around us. I cannot begin to imagine what the parents of those precious babies are feeling and going through right now. The health of my children is something I often take forgranted and I want to stop that right now. I am not promised to never go through major sickness with one or both of my kids and every day, week, month, year that goes by that my babies are healthy is something I should be praising God for. It is not promised. It is a blessing. A friend of mine today wrote a status on facebook that touched my heart. She was talking about how everything is about our perspective. As she was up in the middle of the night with her unhappy baby girl she was reminding herself how many women out there would give anything to be up in the middle of the night holding their sweet unhappy baby. Last night as both my kids were crying in their beds not wanting to fall asleep is when I should have reminded myself how blessed I am to even have these two beautiful, healthy babies. Those first eight months of Madelynn's life when she didn't sleep more than two hours at a time at night is when I should have been thanking God for giving her to me in the first place. I am thankful. Carter and Madelynn have brought more joy to my life then I ever knew was possible and I am truly thankful for them and who they are. I mess up daily as a mom. I overreact, I raise my voice, I say things I didn't want to say, I put other things first when I shouldn't, and I feel angry when they aren't being the perfect kids. These things are wrong, however I think they are also normal for every mom. I need to cut myself some slack and do my best, with God's help, to raise my kids. I cannot be perfect, and that is okay, but I do believe I am the perfect mom for Carter and Madelynn.
And then I am thankful for the little things that add up to more than little things. I am thankful for my home. I love owning our house and being able to work on it to make it better. I really cannot imagine ever leaving this house because it is where we brought our babies home and it is where we started a family together. I know we will outgrow this house someday but for now I do not want to ever imagine leaving it. I love this house and all its imperfections. I am thankful for my church. I have really settled into Bethany as an adult and am loving my ministries at church, raising my kids in this church, and all of the friendships I have made at church. It is a good church that I have now been at for 30 years and I still can't imagine going anywhere else. I am thankful for the friendships I have now made because of being a mom. I have some amazing friends who are all raising their kids right now too and I love doing this life together with them. I am thankful for my parents and how much they love me and my family. Watching them in their role as grandparents has been special and I am so thankful that they want to be so involved in my kids' lives. That is special to me. And I am truly thankful for all the babysitters that we have because of their love for my kids!
We have everything we could ever need. I do not always have everything that I want but pretty close. And those things usually do not matter. I love this life that God has given me. Thirty sure doesn't seem so bad.
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