There have been a lot of hard parenting days in the last few weeks. And then today I was reading a blog by a wonderful woman who I have never met and lives across the country from me. Yep, I am a blog stalker. Don't judge me! I enjoy reading about life from women who are trying to do their best raising their kids but aren't perfect and who love the Lord. It encourages me. Anyway, this mom today was talking about what a perfect mom she was before she had kids. I have had those memories come flooding back to me many times as a mom. All those times that I judged other moms has made for some very guilty feelings lately.
I remember saying things like...
My baby will never sleep in bed with us...
Kids shouldn't be picky eaters...if their parents just make them eat healthy stuff as a baby they will just grow up liking everything...
I will teach my kid to be respectful...they will never roll their eyes or stick out their tougue at someone...
My kid will throw one temper tantrum and be too scared to ever do it again...
Just be good parents who discipline and love their kids and they will be good kids...
My kids will not watch tv until they are two...
My kid will sleep through the night at three months. Sleep train, it's that easy...
Oh boy was I the perfect mom before Carter and Madelynn came into my life. Parenting is hard! I feel like we have hit a stage in our parenting that requires a lot of decisions to be made for the harm or benefit of our son. Do we let him play with toy guns? Do we let him say "I'm gonna shoot you" with every toy that could possibly be a toy gun? Is he drinking enough water? Should we let him watch that movie or tv show? Should we let him play electronics (mainly the Kindle.) Are we teaching him everything he needs to know at this age about Jesus? Do I spank him for that or let it go? Should we fight that battle or let it go? Is he watching too much tv? Are we feeding him healthy food often enough? Should he have that cookie or cookie number two or three? Are we teaching him manners properly? The list could go on forever.
I don't feel like we had to worry about many of these things when he was a baby. Same with Madelynn. She is young enough that most of these areas are still not jumping in our face as issues we need to focus on. But with Carter, they are! He has started hitting us when he is angry about something. Did I do something that has caused him to resort to hitting instead of using his words? What do I do to put a stop to it? Do I spank him, do timeout, talk to him, etc? Or is spanking him for hitting confusing to him because it is in one sense doing the same thing back to him? It is so confusing! I want him to use his words when he is angry and handle anger the godly way but I am feeling very lost as to how to make that happen. I want his heart to be right. I don't just want to fix an issue, it is a heart issue. I want him to love Jesus and want to do right. I know...he is three!
Today at MOPS he stuck his tounge out at his teacher. To me this isn't that big of a deal because he was just being silly. Carter thinks it's funny and isn't doing it to be disobedient or disrespectful. However, when his teacher told him not to do that because it wasn't nice he did it again and laughed. Now that is a problem! I talked to him about it right there in front of his teacher and made him tell her that he was sorry for sticking out his tounge and that he wouldn't do it again. We have since talked about why it isn't nice to do that to people. So now the question is...what do I do when he does it again? I want him to be a pleasant, nice, kind boy.
Carter used to NEVER throw temper tantrums in public...like seriously, never. In the last few months we have had multiple tantrums in public. These are the most awkward and uncomfortable situations to be in. There are times that in the moment it is impossible to change his behavior until we have just left the public place and dealt with it later. Jay says he will never take him to the library alone again. It was that bad! I am always wondering if this is normal or if I have some major issues to be working on in my sweet three year old little boy.
Even his amazing Sunday school teachers have mentioned a couple of times that he sometimes has a hard time obeying. And everytime I go into his class to take him to the bathroom it turns into quite the battle right in front of his teachers. Why can I control a classroom full of students pretty easily and yet I keep having these wonderful (just kidding) moments with my son?
Being a mom is extremely humbling! I thought I knew it all and I have learned very quickly that I have soooooo much to learn! I have learned though that I am doing my best. I accept the challenge to raise this boy to be the best man he can be. And I have learned that I must rely on my Heavenly Father much more than I do now. It isn't up to me to teach my son everything on my own. I am thankful for God's grace and his forgiveness when I mess up. And I am thankful for a husband who is partnering with me to raise Carter. We love him unconditionally and want the very best for him! I need to let go of the feelings of inadequacy and the feelings of embarressment when he isn't perfect. I am not perfect and have no right to be embarressed when my son isn't perfect. I am always worried about what others think about my parenting and I need to LET THAT GO!
The moral of the story is...
Parenting is hard! I hope that I am not being judged as a mom and I need to always give every parent the benefit of the doubt when I have the urge to judge another fellow mama. Most of us our doing our best!
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