Right now I am six months pregnant with our sweet baby BOY, Mason. That is just over 26 weeks and falling deeply in love with the little person growing inside of me. This has been a difficult pregnancy in that I have spent a lot of it living in fear. After going through two miscarriages, one being at 12 weeks along, it is easy to get focused on that and not on the life that is growing. I haven't taken very many belly pictures this time along or really blogged/documented anything about my pregnancy. Which greatly saddens me and yet I feel as though it was a coping mechanism for me to get through this pregnancy. But I can honestly say that I LOVE this little boy inside of me. The joy I feel when I think about holding him in my arms gives me chills and tears every single time I think about it. I cannot wait to meet this little man. He is completing our family and making us feel whole again after our earlier loss. Jay told me long after we lost our last baby that he was content with two. As soon as we found out we lost that sweet baby he felt like our family was not complete and that we were missing someone. Mason Henry is who we have been missing and we are so grateful for this growing baby. We have officially come up with his name. Mason Henry Hinderks. Mason is a name that we have just loved for a long time. And Henry is Jay's dad's middle name. We are so excited to be honoring Jay's dad in that way and that part of his name will forever be a part of one of our kids. It breaks my heart every day that he will never get to meet Mason this side of Heaven but we are so thankful for the Grandpa that he was to Carter and Madelynn and look forward to the day we get to be with him again.
Oh pregnancy...pregnancy is hard. Especially with two little ones to continue to take care of. I feel tired all the time. I do not ever remember feeling this tired with the other two this far into pregnancy. The first trimester is always sketchy but after about 13 weeks my energy usually comes back and I feel great for a while. Not this time around. Thank you third pregnancy :) My body feels weak and tired all the time and I can't ever seem to get enough sleep. We often go to bed at 9pm and I sleep till 7:30 or 8 and still feel so tired throughout the day. And naps are a day in the past! With an almost five year old who doesn't nap anymore and an almost three year old who is boycotting naps most days...ya, naps aren't a reality in my world :) And that is okay. I am just so thankful for a healthy pregnancy. I have had some high blood pressure for the past few weeks but it seems to be doing okay. We are just watching it at home hoping to keep me off of medication. So far so good. My belly is huge. So much bigger than the last two at this point in pregnancy. And Mason moves ALL THE TIME!. I love it! He is a wiggly little boy which like Carter told me the other day just tells us that he is still alive. I might have cried when Carter said that to me. Makes me think that he still thinks about losing his baby brother or sister and that the fear is still real for him just like it is for me that we could still lose this one. I am trusting the Lord with my son's life though and refuse to live in fear about that anymore. My next blog will be titled "Fear is Tricky." Fear seems to be the theme in my life right now and lately but God has been teaching me so much lately about that fear.
Mason Henry...we can't wait to meet you! You are bringing our family so much joy following a year of sadness and loss. We already talk about what life will be like with you in our family and Carter and Madelynn cannot wait to meet their baby brother. Carter said the other day in the car, "mama, I can't wait to hold Mason." That about sums it up for all of us. We can't wait to hold you, kiss you, love on you, snuggle with you, and enjoy who you are.
